some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
should my penis look like a turkey
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
