Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
please come you make the beer taste better
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
