dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
