The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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