just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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