I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize