I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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