we have officially lost it.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
