Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
