I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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