Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
