the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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