You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
