woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize