your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
