Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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