winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
