Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
