I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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