He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
