he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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