My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
