His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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