hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
