Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
