hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
