Define "chronic" masturbator.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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