Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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