Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
