You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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