does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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