So drunk, too bad you don't want this
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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