"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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