piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
