How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
