i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
