I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
