Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What drink are we having for lunch?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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