i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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