Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
