I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
