i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
