He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize