ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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