Got a toothbrush?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
