The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All I want is dick and wine.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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