My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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