What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
