just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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