ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
