Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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