I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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