The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize