ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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