And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
