At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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