I want to make a zoo with you.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
