Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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