i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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