from now on my penis is your penis
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
