Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
