I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
