I wannas sexs uuuuu
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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