All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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