Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
