I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
