That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I died a long time ago.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
