not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
