Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
