Pants 0. Shit 1.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
