u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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