Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
