so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
