Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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