I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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