he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
