And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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