They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
