3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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