I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
