I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
