we have officially lost it.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Why can't burritos get me drunk
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
