My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
