She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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