You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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