your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My liver just had a heart attack.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
