dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
