Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize