Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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