Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
