Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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