I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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