if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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