hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
