the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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