so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
