are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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